The Cave of Improbable Solutions

Dr. Sarah Chen hadn't planned on discovering a lost civilization on her Tuesday lunch break. In her defense, most archaeologists don't expect to stumble upon ancient ruins while trying to find cell service in the Nevada desert. Yet here she was, standing at the mouth of a cave that definitely wasn't on any of her maps, holding nothing but her trusty Stanley Quencher (filled with somewhat tepid green tea) and her useless phone showing zero bars.

"Ten minutes," she muttered to herself. "I'll take a quick peek and then head back to the research station before Roberts sends out a search party."

The cave entrance was surprisingly well-preserved, with geometric patterns carved into the rock that seemed to glow faintly in the afternoon sun. Sarah pulled out her phone to document the find, only to remember—again—that it had died twenty minutes ago.

"Well, that's just perfect," she sighed, taking a long sip from her Quencher. The tea might not have been hot anymore, but at least it was still cold enough to be refreshing.

Three steps into the cave, the floor disappeared beneath her feet.

Sarah tumbled through darkness, bouncing off smooth stone surfaces that seemed purposefully carved into slides. Her screams echoed off the walls until she finally shot out into a massive underground chamber, landing rather ungracefully on a pile of what appeared to be ancient ceremonial cushions.

"Okay, that was new," she groaned, taking inventory of her limbs. Nothing seemed broken, though her dignity was certainly bruised. Remarkably, her Stanley Quencher had survived the fall, still clutched tightly in her hand. The same couldn't be said for her phone, which lay in pieces nearby.

The chamber was immense, illuminated by strange crystalline formations that gave off a soft blue glow. At its center stood an imposing stone pedestal, and atop it sat what appeared to be... a charging station?

"No way," Sarah whispered, approaching the pedestal. The artifact was undeniably modern in design, yet covered in the same ancient geometric patterns she'd seen at the cave's entrance. A small plaque beneath it read: "Place offering here for enlightenment."

Sarah looked at the ruins around her, then at her broken phone, and finally at her Quencher. With a shrug, she poured some tea into the charging station's basin.

The chamber erupted in light. The geometric patterns on the walls began to pulse, and a holographic message appeared above the pedestal: "ERROR: INCORRECT OFFERING. EXPECTING: 3.7V LITHIUM-ION BATTERY. RECEIVED: GREEN TEA WITH HONEY. INITIATING ALTERNATIVE PROTOCOL."

Suddenly, the ground began to shake, and a hidden door slid open in the far wall, revealing a modern elevator with a sign that read: "To Gift Shop."

Sarah stared at the elevator, then at her Quencher, and burst out laughing. "Well," she said to no one in particular, "at least I'll have something interesting to put in my field notes. If I can ever charge my phone to write them."

She stepped into the elevator, still chuckling. The doors closed with a cheerful ding, and a pleasant automated voice announced: "Welcome to the Ancient-Aliens-Are-Just-Time-Traveling-Tourists Historical Site. Please proceed to the gift shop for your complementary phone charger and souvenir t-shirt."